I´m a Missionary that just happens to also be a Ninja

Dear Family,
To start off...
Last Monday we spent P-day making brownies and learning to make brigadeiro at a member’s house. We later used the brownies for family home evening that night.
I think my breath stinks or something, because we were working really hard this last week to find new investigators, but at the second visit people hid, lied, or fled to the hills. People confuse me with what seems to be interest in the first visit, but then they don’t want to see you again.
On Wednesday we helped prepare rice for food storage again. I’ve become quite the professional rice bottler.
We had planned to have our English class on Thursday, but no one showed up....again, so we taught a recent convert how to pray in English.
Friday was the ward talent show. I believe that everyone had about two weeks notice to prepare something, so there weren’t that many performances. I wanted to help out, so I decided to tell some jokes. The microphone wasn’t all that great, and there was a bunch of little kids running around and screaming, so no one laughed at the punchline. It wasn’t all that helpful that I only know about four jokes in Portuguese. There are some jokes that I would’ve been able to translate, but I didn’t have time to prepare anything.
I’ve decided that I love the people here so much that I’m going to get rich, buy my own neighborhood and pay for everyone to come to the US and be my neighbor. I think I’ll call it Shortville.
Yesterday’s lunch was amazing, but Elder Lins ate something that didn’t agree with him, so when we left lunch he started saying stuff like “The pain, Elder! I can’t handle it anymore. I need a bathroom!” “Elder, we’re in the middle of the street. What do you what me to do?” Luckily the Bishop lives nearby, so we were able to get Elder Lins the help he needed.
Our recent convert, Lindemberg, is really helpful and is bringing his friends to church.
This next week is going to be awesome.
Love,
Elder David Short

PS Yesterday, while walking, a lady told us to pray for her to get skinny.